Dear novel #2: novel as skanky boyfriend

Dear novel,It’s not you, it’s me. Really. I just need some space.I’ve tried to change you. Now I guess I have to accept that you are who you are.Call me when you’ve tidied yourself up a bit. I mean really, isn’t it time you invested in some decent hardback covers? Some cover art?We can share some times.Your ex.

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Dear novel #3: novel as terrorist operative

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Dear novel #1: novel as bong-smoking teenager